By Sylvia Bass
(Note: I've blog stalked Sylvia for a while now and she has become one of my mommy idols, always with positive perspective and full of good humor when it comes to mothering [many!] small children. I'm so excited to share some of her thoughts with you.)
(Note: I've blog stalked Sylvia for a while now and she has become one of my mommy idols, always with positive perspective and full of good humor when it comes to mothering [many!] small children. I'm so excited to share some of her thoughts with you.)
I saw it on my Facebook feed: a picture of a wailing, toothless baby with the caption, "poor baby is teething hard." Brace yourself, I thought, you're about to be barraged with a flood of unsolicited mom advice!
Sure enough, a few hours later there were about 20 comments under the picture, and every comment was a mom giving her 2 cents on how to alleviate teething pain and discomfort. Apparently, all she had to do was buy him an amber necklace, dose him with Tylenol, dose him with Ibuprofen, give him some Hyland's teething tablets, let him gnaw on an ice cube wrapped in a towel, give him a strawberry terry teether, give him cold dill pickles, give him Camilla drops, dip a metal spoon in ice water and let him suck on it, give him frozen yogurt tubes, give him teething gel, and give him a frozen wet washcloth. (I can't make this stuff up, y'all!) Keep in mind that all this unsuspecting new mom did was observe publicly that her baby was teething. And that was all the provocation needed for a deluge of mommy teething advice.
All of us moms do it. The second I see the hint of an online mention of cradle cap, or diaper rash, or potty training issues, I can barely resist my urge to take to my keyboard in a feverish frenzy of unsolicited advice. Why do we do that? It's like we can't help ourselves. It's an irresistible mommy compulsion. Some mothers get irate at all of the unsolicited advice, and I can't say I blame them. The sheer volume of mom advice out there is overwhelming and confusing, and motherhood is overwhelming and confusing enough. It gets even worse when moms start bickering with each other about which is the "right way" and "wrong way" of doing things. Some go as far as to say that anyone who doesn't follow their way of parenting is guilty of bad parenting. And then, as we all know, the mommy wars commence and things get ugly.
On the other hand, any unsolicited mom advice thrown my way has never bothered me. In fact, most of it has been invaluable to me. And I like to think that is why we do it. We, as moms, all know how mind-numbingly difficult this mommy gig can be, particularly in those early years. And we want to help. We wish someone had told us that miraculous trick to get the baby to sleep through the night and spared us months of agony. Even though this community of mothers can be petty and combative, we can also be something beautiful. We can help each other through the hard, nay, practically impossible times. We can lift each other up out of the depths of despair with some much needed support and encouragement. Every time I seek motherhood advice on social media, countless moms are there for me. And sure enough, one of those pearls of wisdom usually turns out to do the trick.
That is a lot of widespread solidarity. So, the next time I see a mom bemoan something about motherhood online, and the predictable outpouring of unsolicited mom advice that follows, I'm not going to roll my eyes. I'm going to say a silent prayer for that mom and thank the Lord for this community. Because we're all in this together, mamas. And together we are strong.
All of us moms do it. The second I see the hint of an online mention of cradle cap, or diaper rash, or potty training issues, I can barely resist my urge to take to my keyboard in a feverish frenzy of unsolicited advice. Why do we do that? It's like we can't help ourselves. It's an irresistible mommy compulsion. Some mothers get irate at all of the unsolicited advice, and I can't say I blame them. The sheer volume of mom advice out there is overwhelming and confusing, and motherhood is overwhelming and confusing enough. It gets even worse when moms start bickering with each other about which is the "right way" and "wrong way" of doing things. Some go as far as to say that anyone who doesn't follow their way of parenting is guilty of bad parenting. And then, as we all know, the mommy wars commence and things get ugly.
On the other hand, any unsolicited mom advice thrown my way has never bothered me. In fact, most of it has been invaluable to me. And I like to think that is why we do it. We, as moms, all know how mind-numbingly difficult this mommy gig can be, particularly in those early years. And we want to help. We wish someone had told us that miraculous trick to get the baby to sleep through the night and spared us months of agony. Even though this community of mothers can be petty and combative, we can also be something beautiful. We can help each other through the hard, nay, practically impossible times. We can lift each other up out of the depths of despair with some much needed support and encouragement. Every time I seek motherhood advice on social media, countless moms are there for me. And sure enough, one of those pearls of wisdom usually turns out to do the trick.
That is a lot of widespread solidarity. So, the next time I see a mom bemoan something about motherhood online, and the predictable outpouring of unsolicited mom advice that follows, I'm not going to roll my eyes. I'm going to say a silent prayer for that mom and thank the Lord for this community. Because we're all in this together, mamas. And together we are strong.
Sylvia Bass is a former attorney who has exchanged practicing law for the domestic life. She is Catholic, wife to her attorney husband, and mother to four girls, ages four and under. She enjoys classic literature and pretending that she can fashionably style children. She blogs at Tales from the Mommy Trenches.
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