1. The kids will not freeze to death if we go on a walk at night in below 70 degree temperatures without jackets. (Yes, we live in San Diego)
My hubby knows that the concept of "suitable" clothing for certain activities is completely contrived and man-made. Any clothing that adequately covers the body can be worn for any outing, whatever the occasion, formal or casual, day or night, regardless of the temperature. The kids are so much happier and the stress level in the house goes way down when dad is in charge of the kids clothes.
My hubby knows that the concept of "suitable" clothing for certain activities is completely contrived and man-made. Any clothing that adequately covers the body can be worn for any outing, whatever the occasion, formal or casual, day or night, regardless of the temperature. The kids are so much happier and the stress level in the house goes way down when dad is in charge of the kids clothes.
2. Holding a baby is never an excuse to sit around.
I've done more than my fair share of cooking, cleaning, and yes, even going to the bathroom while holding a baby, but my hubby takes it to a whole new level. That man has held an infant while playing basketball with an older child, building a campfire, mowing the lawn, and who knows what else (don't try this at home kids). You name it, he has probably done it with a baby in his arms and a toddler hanging onto his leg on more than one occasion. Without complaint.
I've done more than my fair share of cooking, cleaning, and yes, even going to the bathroom while holding a baby, but my hubby takes it to a whole new level. That man has held an infant while playing basketball with an older child, building a campfire, mowing the lawn, and who knows what else (don't try this at home kids). You name it, he has probably done it with a baby in his arms and a toddler hanging onto his leg on more than one occasion. Without complaint.
3. It's usually more important to resolve a conflict than it is to be right.
Oh man, he is so much better at this than I am. Whether it's with the kids or with me, he is so good at diffusing tense situations and admitting his part in the conflict. This is one he's still teaching me. He can playfully distract the kids out of a tantrum much faster than I can get them to retreat from the invisible line I've drawn in the sand (usually while giving them a death stare).
Oh man, he is so much better at this than I am. Whether it's with the kids or with me, he is so good at diffusing tense situations and admitting his part in the conflict. This is one he's still teaching me. He can playfully distract the kids out of a tantrum much faster than I can get them to retreat from the invisible line I've drawn in the sand (usually while giving them a death stare).
4. Outings are only as stressful as you make them.
Packing up to go to the park, beach, or on a hike with five small kids can easily feel like preparing for Armageddon. I've made the interesting observation, however, that the more kids one has, the less stuff one actually totes around. My diaper bag has gotten progressively emptier with the birth of each child as I whittle my "necessities" down to the bare minimum. Yet again though, my husband is not to be outdone. All that is required for any outing with Daddy is a single diaper and maybe a small travel-size pack of wipes if he's feeling ambitious. I'm still waiting for him to teach me how he wards off the cries for snacks, toys, and band-aids I constantly endure. He is a marvel.
Packing up to go to the park, beach, or on a hike with five small kids can easily feel like preparing for Armageddon. I've made the interesting observation, however, that the more kids one has, the less stuff one actually totes around. My diaper bag has gotten progressively emptier with the birth of each child as I whittle my "necessities" down to the bare minimum. Yet again though, my husband is not to be outdone. All that is required for any outing with Daddy is a single diaper and maybe a small travel-size pack of wipes if he's feeling ambitious. I'm still waiting for him to teach me how he wards off the cries for snacks, toys, and band-aids I constantly endure. He is a marvel.
5. Edit your complaints.
For the longest time I thought my children had Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities and were whiny, difficult, and obstinate only for me, reserving their inner angelic selves for the times Mommy was away and Daddy was in charge. I came to this logical conclusion because every time I'd return from a solo shopping Target trip, a girl's night out, or my monthly book club, my husband would say the kids were fine and proceed to ask me about my evening. What??? No 20 minute stories about the fights you had to break up, the messes that took an hour to clean, or the bedtime tantrums? I assumed because he didn't mention them, they didn't happen. It turns out, the kids are just as difficult (and fun, hilarious, and adorable) for both of us, it's just that he doesn't share my compulsion to verbalize the nitty gritty of every little difficult part of watching them.
I'm sad to admit that at the end of a particularly difficult parenting day, I can't wait for my husband to get home to not only relieve me from my childrearing duties, but also so I can tell him just how hard a day it was. My husband explained to me that he doesn't want me to worry about him or the kids while I'm out, he wants me to enjoy myself, so he doesn't share the hard parts of taking care of the children. Why didn't I think of that? That's not to say it's wrong to share the difficult parts of parenting with your spouse. I think that's pretty much essential, especially for a stay at home parent who deals with the kids for the majority of the day, but an edited version of the most important events would probably be more helpful than a detailed description of every single complaint.
A friend recently posted a little saying on Facebook that really struck me. It said, "Was it a bad day? Or was it a bad 5 minutes that you milked all day?" Ouch.
For the longest time I thought my children had Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities and were whiny, difficult, and obstinate only for me, reserving their inner angelic selves for the times Mommy was away and Daddy was in charge. I came to this logical conclusion because every time I'd return from a solo shopping Target trip, a girl's night out, or my monthly book club, my husband would say the kids were fine and proceed to ask me about my evening. What??? No 20 minute stories about the fights you had to break up, the messes that took an hour to clean, or the bedtime tantrums? I assumed because he didn't mention them, they didn't happen. It turns out, the kids are just as difficult (and fun, hilarious, and adorable) for both of us, it's just that he doesn't share my compulsion to verbalize the nitty gritty of every little difficult part of watching them.
I'm sad to admit that at the end of a particularly difficult parenting day, I can't wait for my husband to get home to not only relieve me from my childrearing duties, but also so I can tell him just how hard a day it was. My husband explained to me that he doesn't want me to worry about him or the kids while I'm out, he wants me to enjoy myself, so he doesn't share the hard parts of taking care of the children. Why didn't I think of that? That's not to say it's wrong to share the difficult parts of parenting with your spouse. I think that's pretty much essential, especially for a stay at home parent who deals with the kids for the majority of the day, but an edited version of the most important events would probably be more helpful than a detailed description of every single complaint.
A friend recently posted a little saying on Facebook that really struck me. It said, "Was it a bad day? Or was it a bad 5 minutes that you milked all day?" Ouch.
6. Say yes more than you say no.
I've read this same advice in multiple parenting books and advice columns. It comes naturally to my husband. He really reserves his no's for the times they're important. I wonder why he's the favorite parent? I saw a huge list on Pinterest the other day about how to avoid using the word "no" with your kids--at all. I have to say that's a concept I definitely say NO to. Kids need to understand that the answer to some things in life isn't "choose another option" or "what else would you like to do"--sometimes we get no answers. But like my husband models for me, the word no has a lot more power and meaning when you use it sparingly.
I've read this same advice in multiple parenting books and advice columns. It comes naturally to my husband. He really reserves his no's for the times they're important. I wonder why he's the favorite parent? I saw a huge list on Pinterest the other day about how to avoid using the word "no" with your kids--at all. I have to say that's a concept I definitely say NO to. Kids need to understand that the answer to some things in life isn't "choose another option" or "what else would you like to do"--sometimes we get no answers. But like my husband models for me, the word no has a lot more power and meaning when you use it sparingly.
7. The dishes can wait.
I'm far from a flawless housekeeper, but I do like to keep things generally tidy and I find my stress level rises when the house is out of order. My husband also likes things clean, but he knows how to leave the dirty dishes in the sink after dinner when our son wants to shoot hoops or the kids want to play hide and seek with him in the backyard. I usually stay in and clean while the rest of them play, but I think it's high time I let the dishes go and join in the fun to show my kids I value them more than sparkling countertops.
I'm far from a flawless housekeeper, but I do like to keep things generally tidy and I find my stress level rises when the house is out of order. My husband also likes things clean, but he knows how to leave the dirty dishes in the sink after dinner when our son wants to shoot hoops or the kids want to play hide and seek with him in the backyard. I usually stay in and clean while the rest of them play, but I think it's high time I let the dishes go and join in the fun to show my kids I value them more than sparkling countertops.
8. Raising your voice never helps.
I thank the Lord that I have a husband who is extremely slow to anger (James 1:19; Proverbs 16:32) and pretty much never, ever raises his voice. I'm trying my best to follow your example honey, I promise.
I thank the Lord that I have a husband who is extremely slow to anger (James 1:19; Proverbs 16:32) and pretty much never, ever raises his voice. I'm trying my best to follow your example honey, I promise.
9. Don't keep score.
I know most mothers are the ones who are up at night with sick or scared kids, and I'm not sure if it's because his side of the bed is closest to our bedroom door or because I'm a deep sleeper, but my husband is usually up with the kids at night much more than I am (other than with a nursing baby). He never complains about getting up more than I do and in fact I whine about being tired much more than he does. Most of the time I don't even realize he's putting a kid back in bed or laying with them for an hour because I've slept right through the whole thing. He doesn't keep score about who is up how many times or resent it when the the odds are clearly in my favor. Yes, the man is a saint. I do try to let him catch a quick nap on the weekends. I'm not a terrible person, right?
I know most mothers are the ones who are up at night with sick or scared kids, and I'm not sure if it's because his side of the bed is closest to our bedroom door or because I'm a deep sleeper, but my husband is usually up with the kids at night much more than I am (other than with a nursing baby). He never complains about getting up more than I do and in fact I whine about being tired much more than he does. Most of the time I don't even realize he's putting a kid back in bed or laying with them for an hour because I've slept right through the whole thing. He doesn't keep score about who is up how many times or resent it when the the odds are clearly in my favor. Yes, the man is a saint. I do try to let him catch a quick nap on the weekends. I'm not a terrible person, right?
10. Physical intimacy can be a cure all.
Stressed? Tired? Overwhelmed? These are frequent maladies we parents suffer. Get close to the one you love (hint hint, wink wink) and you'll probably end up feeling a lot better. I've had more than my fair share of times when I couldn't be convinced of this truth, but I believe it's an important lesson nonetheless, and one I would never have learned without my husband's good natured "coaxing."
Happy Anniversary to the man who has my heart and who teaches me more every day about how to be the type of mother I want to be for our children. I love you!
Stressed? Tired? Overwhelmed? These are frequent maladies we parents suffer. Get close to the one you love (hint hint, wink wink) and you'll probably end up feeling a lot better. I've had more than my fair share of times when I couldn't be convinced of this truth, but I believe it's an important lesson nonetheless, and one I would never have learned without my husband's good natured "coaxing."
3 comments :
This is incredibly sweet. And some really great ideas. I need to improve in so many of these areas.
Byron is pretty great. And he's really funny. You forgot that one.
What a beautifully written post. If I had your gift of prose, I could have written it myself. There is SO much to learn from our husbands if we only let down our mommy pride from time to time and observe how skillfully they handle the kids.
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