Let them be little (and not just when it's cute)

A couple of months ago, I had a seismic shift in thinking that totally changed my perspective on parenting. What made such a difference in my outlook, you ask? I realized that... wait for it... my kids are... children. I know, life changing, right? I'm probably safe in assuming most of you are hoping for a bit of clarification. Here goes.

Raising children, especially small children, is always rewarding, sometimes inspiring, usually entertaining, and often fun, but it can also be incredibly frustrating, exhausting, and even maddening. Am I the only one who sometimes feels like my kids are conspiring against me? How about when your son throws a fit because he wants you to cut the crust off his sandwich, but then when you cut it off, he throws a fit because he wants the crust back on. Seriously child? Or when you kindly remind your daughter to empty her lunchbox after school for the 347th time and she promises she won't forget, only for your hopes that your sweet heart-to-heart was actually effective this time to come crashing down when you find rotting deli meat in her lunchbox the next day. What's wrong with you kid?

I'll tell you what's "wrong": Absolutely nothing. Our kids are children. Here's one apt definition for "child" I found on the web:

"An immature or irresponsible person."

Sounds about right, doesn't it?

Humans aren't born into this world as rational, mature, selfless, responsible, patient beings. Those are all learned traits. And guess whose job it is to teach, train, and mold them into people who have those admirable qualities I just listed? Yep, point that finger right back at yourself. I used to have a habit of wondering why on earth my children would get upset over the tiniest things, why they could sometimes be so selfish and unaware of the needs of others, why they could rarely ever obey the first time or remember tasks I asked them to do only seconds before. Eventually I realized my expectations were totally unrealistic. The way my kids were acting was 100% normal; that's what kids do--they're immature and irresponsible by nature.You were once the same way, and unfortunately, many adults still are. Nothing was "wrong" with them, I was expecting my children to react to situations the same way I would with years of experience and practice under my belt. It's when my children let go of their frustration before it peaks, when they put others first, when they obey the first time and are helpful without being asked that they are growing up and moving past behaviors typical of childhood. In those instances they should be not just meeting, but exceeding my expectations for children their age. When I look past the fact that my children's behavior can be inconvenient and sometimes downright annoying, I can clearly see that they are incrementally moving in that direction; moving away from childish behavior toward maturity.

When your child does something immature or irresponsible, that's not your cue to bemoan the fact that your kid is driving you crazy, that's the signal that there's something you need to teach and practice with her. What can you do to prepare her to cope with frustration or anger in a healthier way next time? How can you help your child see that his reaction made the problem worse rather than better? What tools can you equip her with to remind herself of expectations? I want to be a parent who praises my children as they take small steps toward outgrowing and moving past immature behavior rather than one who tears them down with every childish mistake they make along the way.

When your daughter has an irrational breakdown over the butter not being completely melted into her toast and still slightly visible on the surface, she's being a child, not being intentionally annoying. When your preschooler dumps out an entire bag of cinnamon toast crunch (don't judge) on your recently mopped floor, it's not because she doesn't care about your hard work, it's because her reaction time is much slower than an adult's and as she blankly stares at the pieces falling to the floor it takes a good 30 seconds for her brain to get the message that they're pouring out because she's holding the bag upside down.

"Let them be little" seems to be quite the trendy parenting catchphrase since the popular country song came out (seriously, check out the crafty stuff on Pinterest with that line). It's a cute little saying to remind us to not force our kids to grow up too fast; too let them laugh out loud and play in the mud. Let's remember, however, that along with the sweet parts of being little come the difficult aspects of being a child. Kids are learning to cope with the expectations, emotions, and disappointments of a life where every experience is something new. That takes a lot of practice and some carefully planned coaching, more for some than others.

Instead of expecting my kids to instinctively and naturally be on their "best behavior", aka typical adult behavior, I want to do my best to model and teach mature, responsible behavior as I patiently wait for the reward of seeing them inch toward becoming the selfless, responsible individuals I know they can be in time. Instead of reacting in frustration when my children do something immature or irresponsible, I want to remind myself to "let them be little" for just a bit longer and grant them some of the grace I so often need myself.


P.S.- I'm assuming I'll need to reread this post as a refresher when we get to the teenage years : )

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: 

but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11